Long-distance wedding plans

My two lovely daughters, who are two years and two weeks apart and squabble like toddlers. On the left is the elder and Charlotte's mom, and on the right is the soon-to-be-married younger who lives in New York state.

My two daughters, like many siblings, are obsessed with fairness. Each of them at some point in their lives has been convinced that I love the other better and do more things for her.

They swear that they have grown out of this, and it is no longer an issue, but I doesn't seem that way to me. And sometimes, those complaints are valid. I am not doing nearly as much for my younger daughter's wedding as I did for my older one. Monetarily, it's a wash; I gave the younger one the equivalent amount of money.

But in terms of sweat equity, the situation is nowhere near the same. My younger daughter is getting married Memorial Day weekend, and I haven't written about it yet, probably because I don't have all those things that I had to take care of for Charlotte's mom driving me insane.

It is no one's fault — the fact that my kid is 3,000 miles away in Long Island, and getting married in Rhode Island means that I can't be as involved. In some ways, this is a good thing — ask the other daughter — because I am a terrible procrastinator and perfectionist. (They actually go hand-in-hand, I procrastinate when I'm afraid I can't do something perfectly.)

My kid trying on wedding dresses at Rossana's
Bridal Cottage. This dress was not a favorite,
but it is a better photo of her than the others.

Buying a wedding dress is way less nerve-wracking than waiting for your mother to finish sewing yours (I was still sewing the morning of the wedding, and never did get the bustling loops in). And having a mom who frets over every single tiny detail and doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut about things she doesn't like can be tiresome.

I am famous for annoying my kids by saying things like: "Are you really wearing that?" or  "Don't you think you should do such-and-such? or "Why don't you try it this way?"

I guess I always assume that when I point out the error of their ways, they will do the right thing. That's what my father used to do, and it worked for him. (Most of the time, anyway.)

It works better on the older one, but the little one (if you can call 5'10" little) usually just does what she pleases, and gets annoyed that I tried guilt-tripping her.

She has been living in San Francisco for the last five or six years, and it has been difficult to have her so far away, but she managed to make it home for holidays, plus a few other times, and if we were really desperate, we could always drive up and see her.

The bride-to-be making the family proud by
winning a beer-drinking contest at the first
Lemon Leaf Oktoberfest.

The argument, when her winemaker fiance took her all the way to Long Island, was that she would still make it home the same number of times. Considering the new highs in airfares, we will see how that works out. One can't just jump on Southwest for 45 minutes, and there is the pesky jet lag to deal with.

That distance made my sewing her wedding dress well nigh impossible. Crossing a continent for fittings might be okay for the girls with deep-pocketed fathers we see on "Say Yes to the Dress," but we are po' folks.

I felt bad about the dress, and I wanted to sew her something, so I am making her pale pink silk lingerie. I have learned one thing about the garment district: it is a whole lot easier shopping there when you don't know exactly what you want.

I wanted a particular weight of silk and the perfect lace to complement it. That necessitated combing blocks of fabric stores and about eight different trim shops to find the lace I had envisioned.

I finally found the perfect stuff, and a rhinestone comb that may or may not suit her wedding up-do. I also have to make a flower-girl dress for Charlotte in the interest of cost cutting, and three yellow sashes so they will match the other girls (the groom's twin nieces are also doing flower-girl duty).

My baby and her fiance at Charlotte's first birthday party March 2010.

Considering that my daughter and I have the capacity to watch back-to-back "Say Yes to the Dress" and "My Fair Wedding" marathons, and we've been talking about her wedding since she was in middle school, it is a little sad that I can't be more involved.

But I am glad that her future mother-in-law is a nice person whom my daughter likes and gets along with. She took my daughter to get her wedding dress, helped her pick the venue, and is being helpful in a number of ways.

Ultimately, all that matters is that my daughter is happy on her wedding day. Because of the cost, she will not have as many of her friends and family there as we had hoped, but her nuclear family will all be there, along with Charlotte. Charlotte is a party all by herself, so what more can you ask?

I get a kiss from my daughter on my wedding day. Charlotte's father is on the right.