Coming soon....the Edwardian Ball

Our official photo from The Edwardian Ball.

Sorry, it's been a couple of weeks since I have posted. We have had a busy social calendar, and it's hiring season for colleges, so I've been applying for jobs. This weekend I will post our adventures at The Edwardian Ball, so stay tuned.

Be my Valentine!

Today is Valentine's Day.

Any woman who says she doesn't care about that is a liar. Or Amy Farrah Fowler. But judging how Amy melted over that tiara, even she might be susceptible.

Oh, we say we don't care. We rationalize that our husband/boyfriend/shack job is plenty romantic throughout the year, and romance shouldn't be confined to just one day. If we are survivors of the 1960s, we might say that romance shouldn't be institutionalized, but spontaneous and free, like running through a meadow. (Yeah, just like we used to do under the influence.)

If we are very cynical, we consider the multi-billion dollar business this day set aside for showing love has become, and we say it is just another "Hallmark holiday" like Grandparent's Day, and dismiss it. (Speaking of that, I didn't get a Grandparent's Day card last year, what gives?)

But the truth is we'd sell our mothers for a dozen roses (I prefer peach, but the traditional red would suffice) delivered to the office. Because it's not really about whether we get roses, but rather that we are seen getting roses by the rest of our office mates,  "esse est percipi" (to be is to be perceived) as philosopher George Berkeley famously put it.

Like so much that happens today, if we can't put the picture on Facebook, it didn't really happen. We need to be the object of envy in the office.

When I was first divorced, I was invited to a girls-only Valentine's Day party, where unattached women drink and scoff at Cupid and his obviously bad aim, since they are still single. I was uncomfortable, because I hadn't given up hope. Sure, my husband dumped me after 18 years of marriage for someone younger he met on the Internet, but that didn't mean I was unloveable. My Prince Charming was right around the corner, I believed.

Thirteen years later, I was still waiting, still single with no significant relationship to speak of in all those years, and none on the horizon. I left the office that Valentine's day bitter and discouraged, after seeing bouquet after bouquet arrive for happily pair-bonded (as Amy would say) co-workers. Now, I was finally at that cynical place where I hated the whole holiday. I finally got it.

I left work heading straight to BevMo to buy a bottle of Bombay Sapphire to drown my sorrows, but not before I spied an errant rose in the foyer floor of the office. One tightly closed little rosebud that hadn't found its way to the beloved. I ground it to pieces under my heel, and just kept walking.

It was agit-prop theater, to be sure, but oddly, it made me feel a tiny bit better. Little did I know that my "I hate Valentine's Day"message was received by the co-worker holding the door for me, and he was almost  moved to invite me out for a drink. As he puts it now, if he had, it would have speeded up our courtship by a good six-months.

The next Valentine's Day, I still didn't get roses in the office, because I didn't work there anymore. I had to quit to avoid getting fired or getting him fired for intraoffice dating. It was a small price to pay. I haven't had a full-time job since, but I did get a full-time romance.

And I married the King of Romance. We don't exchange gifts on Valentines, but we go to a special dinner and dancing every year. Today, he is taking me to the Queen of Hearts Ball at the Edison in Los Angeles. It is a 1920s setting with a very strict dress code. Since it is a ball, he's wearing a tux tonight.

So now I have become one of the envied. And yes, I am back to loving Valentine's Day, just the way I did when my girls gave little neighborhood parties with heart-themed paper plates and heart-shaped sugar cookies we baked.

So, for all my single friends — don't give up hope. It took me 13 years to get swept off my feet, but when I did, it was marvelous. I'm sending good thoughts out into the universe for you.

Why I love the Big Bang

Much of "The Big Bang Theory" takes place around Sheldon and Leonard's  coffee table
eating a variety of Asian take-out. From left, computer whiz Howard, physicist Leonard,
community college dropout Penny, super-genius physicist Sheldon, and astrophysicist Raj.

I am hopelessly addicted to "The Big Bang Theory."

Uncharacteristically, I came very late to this nerd fest. The show debuted in 2007, when I was deep in grad school hell, going to classes at night and working all day. I didn't start watching until last year, and I've been catching up with the reruns on TBS ever since.

On the surface, it doesn't really sound like much of a premise: a bunch of egghead scientists living in Pasadena, working at a university, which although I don't think I've ever heard the name used, is obviously California Institute of Technology, and their bright, yet uneducated, neighbor, wannabe-actress Penny.

Penny is the perfect foil for these academically brilliant, yet socially inept quartet. There is a continuum of social awareness among them: Leonard could be cool, if he could tamp down his inner geek god; Howard is constantly on the make, convinced that women are attracted by his smarmy self-confidence; Raj is handsome and sweet and could easily get a girl if only he could talk to them without being drunk; and Leonard is so freakishly asexual that his girlfriend has to negotiate for hugs and kisses.

Mayim Bialik, as Dr. Amy Farrah-Fowler and Jim Parsons as
 Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Despite the body language,
they are an item.

The setup is somewhat reminiscent of the 1941 screwball comedy, Ball of Fire, with Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper. Stanwyck is Sugarpuss O'Shea, a gangster's showgirl girlfriend who needs a place to hide and end up in a houseful of nerdy lexicographers, who are learning how "everyday people" talk for a new dictionary project. Cooper, a soft-spoken professor, falls head over heels for Sugarpuss. The professors learn how to relax and do the cha-cha along with modern slang, and she learns that being square isn't the worse thing in the world.

Sheldon doesn't understand sarcasm, that sometimes its better to not tell all the truth (or as Emily Dickinson would say, "tell it slant"), or any number of "social protocols." It's like he needs his own droid like C3PO to help him navigate the minefield of daily life. When Leonard has a girl in his room and puts a tie on his door handle, Leonard is smart enough to know its a sign, but has to ask Penny what it means. "You know, you went to college," Penny tells him. "Yes, but I was 11," is his retort. Penny then admits that she was usually on the other side of the tie.

Jim Parsons as Sheldon is the undisputed star of the show, which his two Emmys and multiple other awards attest to. He and former Blossom star Mayim Bialik, who plays his girlfriend Amy, are perfectly cast. Bialik plays a neurobiologist, which she is in real life, with a PhD from UCLA. Apparently she's also as badly dressed as Amy Farrah-Fowler in real life, since "What Not to Where" did a makeover on her. This moment, when Penny convinces Sheldon to buy Amy a gift to make up for his boorish behavior will go down in history as one of TV's greatest moments. The sparkle-deprived Amy dissolves into a girlish, yet totally Amy response.

This is how Big Bang nerds celebrate New Year's,
with a costume party at the comic book store.
You gotta love guys who like to dress up.

I'm not sure why I love the show so much. Part of it might be that I have known a considerable number of nerds. They may not be geniuses, but they do love comic books, superheroes, Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, and any other science fiction. One of the great things about nerds is that they actually like to dress up. There are lots of nerds in the Society For Creative Anachronism, and many of the local ones work at Edwards. Computer screens by day; swords and capes by night.

I used to go to an English country dance SCA gathering on Friday nights, but I never went without a conversation partner of my own. The dancing was loads of fun, but when we went out for pie afterward, the talk turned to Star Trek, and I wanted to flee.

The show was always good, but the addition of Amy and Howard's fiancee, Bernadette has made it even better. Penny has to deal with the social ineptness of females, this time, who are equally stunted but in a different way. Amy's desperation and crush on Penny, and Bernadette's slow transformation into Howard's stereotypical Jewish mother make for lots of comedic opportunity.

My favorite relationship is that of Sheldon and Penny. He is at times openly hostile and insulting to her, especially about her lack of education, but often needs her help and nurturing. Penny actually has love for him in a way you might for a hurt puppy, or an obstreperous two-year-old. When he asks her to sing the "Soft Kitty" song his mother sang to him, you melt, but the next minute he berates her for not getting the words right.

I hope that Big Bang does real-life nerds some good, showing them as fun, bright, funny, open-minded and  loyal, as well as smart. Penny is slowly learning that her handsome, hunky ex-boyfriends don't treat her as well as bookish, eager to please (in bed and out)  Leonard does. As someone said, one day all of us will be working for the guys with pocket protectors.

*******

Speaking of dressing up, my husband and I went to Daisy's Costumes on Lancaster Blvd. to get fitted for costumes for the Edwardian Ball on Feb. 19. The ball is put on by lovers of author and artist Edward Gorey. According to their website,  "the Edwardian Ball is an elegant and whimsical celebration of art, music, theatre, fashion, technology, circus, and the beloved creations of the late, great author Edward Gorey. Set in our own version of “Edwardian” times, this multi-media extravaganza has grown over the past decade from a small underground club night into an internationally recognized event, now operating with the blessing of The Edward Gorey Charitable Trust."


Jim is getting a long gunfighter's coat, an ascot and vest, and some kind of top hat. April Ray, Daisy's proprietor, is making me a dress with a corset on the outside. I already ordered a ray gun and goggles for us. The theme is The Iron Tonic, and I know there will scads of steampunks there. I can't wait, and will takes lots of pictures. Here is a video from last year's San Francisco ball.